I have been in the care of a shrink for a while now. There have been so many ups and downs in my life that I felt it was necessary to have someone with a good brain to talk to. At first, I was excited. It was like a game to me to sit in his office and toy with his mind. Of course, I knew that he understood what I was doing. He is in his last year as a resident so, I thought it would be interesting for him to have someone like me to counsel. I can be a bit of a hoot and I truly hope that he is enjoying having me as a patient.
However, the tables started to turn. We started getting into serious aspects of my life in which I am having a hard time coping. It isn’t fun to sit and talk about things that hurts deep inside. The rejection, the heartache, the suffering from not having people around who should be there to support you.
I have had the care of my grand-daughter on and off for over a year and a half. She is now settled with her mom’s family as it should be. However, that doesn’t keep me from missing her. I enjoyed getting up each morning with a purpose. She was a challenge but a worthy one. Now, I am having to adjust to her not being here. Not only that but I can’t get her family to return my phone calls. Since I have manners, I feel that we need to call and not just knock on someone’s door. The last time that I saw her, that is what I had to do. I just knocked on the door.
It seems that as we get older and have raised a family, that we should have all the support that we need. After all, we were the leaders the children that we had. We took most of our time seeing to it that they learned all the valuable lessons to become the good men that I had hoped for. Well, I do not have the support that I wish. One son doesn’t want to talk to me again ever, thank goodness. The other one has four sons and I am giving him a break. Why? Because he is a very busy man. However, I do feel that he could call once in a blue moon and we all know that isn’t very often.
So, back to talking to the shrink. As I poured my heart our about my concerns and if I can ever come to terms with my life as it is, he helped me see today how I do many things daily to show myself that I love me. In a way, I find comfort in just knowing that. Not only that I know it but that someone else knows it too. I guess I feel validated.