Cleaning Up For Your Children

Rose In Memory of His Father

I just returned from helping a friend who needed to clear his parents home of fifty years of accumulated things.    It was not anything that could be done in two months.  When I first flew up, my plans were to stay for a month but I changed my mind.

People do not realize as they live their lives each day that something may or can happen to them tomorrow.  We all are guilty of keeping too many things that are not needed in our home.  On top of that, may people will not let go of things and rent storage to put them in.

His father was a doctor and had retired.  When he did, he bought home everything even the table he used to examine people.  He bought home drugs,  medical records and anything else that was there.  Even the posters that were on his walls.  I wonder if it ever occurred to him to just throw away most of the things.  We had to contact a group to disposes of medicines the proper way.  Now, my friend will have to jump through hoops just trying to do the proper thing about getting rid of the medical records.  His dad was not doing well mentally but no one understood that until his mother had a stroke.

His mother sewed.  She did brilliant embroidery work and had so many extra supplies  from years and years ago.  I know because she still had thread on wooden spools.  She had boxes and boxes of buttons, old sewing needles, yarn, knitting needles and fabric.  You name it and she had it.  She loved making pretty things but when her hands started to hurt from arthritis, she had to give it up.

What does keeping all of these things matter?  It matters a lot when someone else has to clean it out of a home.  One thing is certain, I came home with a new view on how I will leave my home to my children once I am gone.  It isn’t fair to expect our children to come behind us to clean up our mess.  A mess that we just didn’t take the time to clean up or one that we were not thinking was even there.  Sometimes, I feel that people do not realize that when they  put a receipt for something in a drawer that unless they are diligent in cleaning out their drawers and closets often, that receipt may be there 30 years later.  We found receipts from fifty years ago.

My friend feels overwhelmed.  He felt that way while I was there.  Before his father died, we had some  fun even in the middle of trying to make sense of all that was in the home.  Afterward, the fun stopped as he was grieving.  Not only was he grieving but he was angry.  I understand because that it is one of the  first steps of grief.  He didn’t understand.  When I would try to talk to him about it, he wasn’t interested.  It is hard to watch a person grieve knowing that there is nothing anyone can do.  That is a journey that a person has to make alone in life.  Sure good friends can reach out to them and try to give comfort but in the end, they will have to walk though that time alone.  We all do.  I have made that journey many times in my life.

In the mean time, his mom is still in a nursing home.  They are not treating her well.  Since she is in another state where is brother lives, it is hard for him to get there to see her as much as he would like.  He worries about her.  So, in the middle of grieving for his father, worrying about his mother, not being employed at the time, he still has to clean out this house by himself.  He is angry, confused, dazed and dismayed at what to do with everything.  He doesn’t have time to sell a lot of things since he needs to be looking for a job.  I know what he is going though since I was there.  It is like trying to reach the top of a mountain with branches of trees hitting you in the face with every step.    My heart goes out to my friend.  I would not wish this on anyone.

So, if your home is filled with paperwork that isn’t necessary, get rid of it.  If you have old clothes give them away.  Thin out the number of dishes you have in your kitchen.  When we reach a certain age, we do not entertain like we once did.  Do you really need all of those pots and pans in the kitchen?  When was the last time you cleaned out your closets, drawers or even the pantry?

Do your family a huge favor and save them from having to clean up after you when you are gone.  We never know when that day will come.  I plan to start with my project of cleaning out my home this week.  I would not like to  think of my children here in my home being unhappy when if I had planned like I should have, they would have little to do.  Burying your parents is bad enough.


Beware Optimist Person Aboard

In my life, I have found that to be a pessimist only brings worry and fretful feelings of discontent. Anxiety takes over people’s lives and they can not be as productive as they could be. Some people do not seem to be able to look at the positive side of life. My heart goes out to them because they are not living a happy life.

For the most of my life, I have been an optimist. It was a choice that I made. Anyone can make that choice but living it is another thing. We sometimes have to let a few friends or family members not have too much access to our lives if they are a pessimist person. We also have to remind ourselves daily that we want good things to come our way.

If one is looking for a job and they think they will get one, they usually do. It also applies to one not thinking they will get one. It has to do with how we feel about ourselves as a person.

People who bring negativity to me are not welcome. Right now, I have a friend I have been talking to about how to look at things with a positive attitude. I thought that I was making some progress with them but I fear that I was only kidding myself. This person told me they needed me in their life. The reason being is because I am happy and laugh a lot. I look at the bright side of things and do not dwell on the negative.

For a little while, when this person started being so negative, I could pull them out of it. They would start laughing with me and we would enjoy our time talking. Then, I noticed that they reverted back to their old ways and I do not have time to baby sit someone trying to keep them in a good mood.

However, as much as I am bright, cheerful and positive when in conversation with my friend, they can not see that things in their life would improve if only, they changed what they expect to happen.

That is where optimism comes in. If a person looks at a problem in life and expects the best will come of it, they have a better chance of good actually happening. If they expect the worst, one can bet the worst will happen.

I have a theory about this. I have also written about this many times in hopes that just one person will understand and apply it to their lives.

Our brain reacts to what we tell it. If we tell it good things all the time, after a while, our brain will take over and we will start seeing things in a positive way. However, if we tell our brain that we are a failure, then it will respond in such a way that we will fail. How many of y’all have seen someone who never thought good would happen in their lives? Did that person have good happen? Think about that for a moment.

I am not sure why people develop such negative attitudes in life but if they could only try to change with daily affirmations, they could change and be happy, productive and happy people.

After saying all of that, I suppose it is clear that I am very optimist woman and I always will be. I have my days when I feel a bit blue as everyone does. The difference is that I do not dwell on what has made me feel blue. I pull myself together and get back to the business of being positive which brings me much joy in my life.

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No One Is Normal?

A new study that will be added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders manual in 2013 suggest that no one is normal.  It seems that an update to devalue mental illness will put all of us in the category of not being normal.

Oh how I adore new research.  Without it, I would have nothing to think or talk about in life.  Scientists amaze me which leads me to wonder if the government and pharmaceutical companies aren’t giving too much grant money to these mad scientist for research.   I wonder if anyone is normal.  In my thoughts most of us are as normal as can be.  It is research that has put labels on all of us.

If a child has a tantrum, they must have a problem.  Here is my thought on that since I have two grown sons and have watched their children as well.

Small children are not wired to understand how things work in life.  They become frustrated because of a lack of understanding.  Their little minds want something that mommy will not allow.  Since they see mommy and daddy getting everything that they want, they don’t understand why they too can not have anything they desire.

Think about a child in a buggy at the grocery store.  Mom or dad walks thought the store putting all kind of things in the buggy.  Some things the child understands but not all.  Then they arrive at the check out and all the small child wants is one piece of candy.  Mommy says no.  What?  How dare she not give me a small piece of candy when this entire buggy is filled?  That is when the temper tantrum starts.

On with my thinking.  A young girl reads fashion magazines and sees that all the models look like pencils.  They are paid outrageous sums to model, the world makes a huge fuss over them so, they must be the most desired people on the planet.  Girls see movie stars with perfect air brushed complexions, hair that on one could copy, dressed in amazing and expensive clothes that show off their prefect bodies and they too make a fortune.  The world loves them too.

The young girl doesn’t get a lot of attention and she has no hope of making a lot of money when she is grown, thus, she has to look like a pencil if she is to ever get young Bob to look at her.  What about her  future?  Well, she will have to be super thin to be successful in life.

What can she do to look like those amazing people?  After a while, she figures out that she has to stop eating.  How?  Well, she could eat and then go to the bathroom and purge or she could just chew her food and not swallow it.  Yes, there is the answer which sets her on the road to a real problem.

Here is what I did when I was a teenager and wanted to look amazing.  I exercised twice a day.  It never crossed my mind to not eat.  The answer was in gym.  The teacher told us if we exercised, we could look good.  It didn’t take her telling me too many times before I hit the floor killing myself with hard work exercising.  It paid off too.  I was in great shape and had this tiny waist.  What a shame that young girls can’t know that today as much as exercise is advertised.

But, back to the young girl. Does she need pills to help her with her problem?  No, her mind needs to be retrained to accept herself as the lovely creature that she is.  She needs acceptance from those around her.

My point is that in life, most of us are normal.  We have a different ways of looking at things which brings on some unusual behavior at times.  Do we all need a pill for unusual behavior?  Please.  If most of the pills made today were trashed, I think we would all be normal.

Sometimes I wonder; what came first, the problems that people have in life or mad scientist who do too much research.

More reading.

USA Today on Super Models.  Are they influencing our young?

Research on normal.

Talking To My Sixteen Year Old Self

Sassy at 16

Honey, you don’t know it now but your life is going to be awesome. Quit worrying about everything and just take life as it comes.

Dream big, big dreams because all the dreams that you dreamed have already come true. See? If you had dreamed bigger and better dreams, you might be a famous writer today. Remember that book you started last year? Yep, that one. If you had faith in your abilities, you would have already been on book signing tours many years ago.

One thing that I am very pleased about is that you had children early in life. What a great thing you did. You grew up with your sons. They loved having a a young mom. You played ball with them, took them places, and just had a great time. Plus, you were a rocking mom but still managed to teach them all the right things to be great adults in life.

Now, they are grown with children of their own and you are still young enough to really get a kick out of life. You will learn to love yourself without conditions. Your self confidence will be awesome. I know you don’t believe this now but it is true. Oh, and you will find happiness living alone. Yep, hard to believe isn’t it? Don’t worry darling. You are so much brighter, prettier, aware and braver than you think.

When your day comes to get out in this world, just grab hold and down let go because honey, it is going to be one heck of a ride.

I love you baby more than you will ever know.

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Blessings Through Staying Positive

There are no hopeless situations, only people who are hopeless about them.
Dinah Shore

In life, I have learned to expect when I truly need something, it will come my way.  It might not be today but it will come.

I am ashamed to say that I received a ticket for an expired tag.  When I received the notice, I put it in the back seat thinking I would take it inside when I returned home.  I forgot and as a result, I now have to pay a 168 dollar fine.

I wondered how I would squeeze that much out of my budgets.  Anyway, I received a letter from my eye care physician asking me to take part in an eye study.  When I called to say that I would be happy to take part, they told me to come tomorrow and the next day.  Also, they said I would be given 100 dollars for my time.

Just as always, that study will give me most of the money for the fine.

For years now, I have been waking each morning and giving myself the love that I deserve.  We all deserve the love we have inside ourselves.  The thing is that when I try to explain this to people, they do not seem to get it. I have been doing it for so long that now, it is just second nature.

I was speaking on the phone one day with a man who was complaining so much about his grown son.  I asked why his son was upset with him.  As he told the story, it became clear that he put his son down all the time.  I suggested that he start to praise him.  One would have thought that I had started to cuss him.  He wanted to complain about how his son has driven him crazy for 15 years.  Well, if that is the case, he should have parted ways with him 14 years ago.  It wasn’t long before he wanted to hang up.

I expected that he would since people do not like to be told to be kind.  They had rather complain about things in their lives instead of trying to do something constructive about it.  That is such a shame as we all deserve to be happy each day.

One thing is clear to me as I have grown in personal development and that is that when I stay positive, good things are going to happen.  We all have it in us to bring good things our way.  However, we have to learn to love ourselves so we can be positive.

Allow me to ask a question.  How many negative thinking people do you know who have good things happening in their lives?  Think about this for a moment.  I would imagine that you can not think of one person.

I will close this with another quote.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

Maybe I Should Have Been A Man

When I am taking the time to look like a pretty woman, I wonder what it would be like to be a man.  Men do not have so many things to do to look good.  If they are shaved, have on a decent pair of jeans, smell good and have a great hair cut, they are good to go.

However, women do not have it that easy.  We have to buy all of these products to keep our skin looking nice.  Not just nice but looking awesome.  Our hair has to be cut, colored and kept looking like we just stepped out of a hair salon.

Then there is the thing about hair on our bodies.  We have to shave our legs, under our arms and a few more places that I will leave to your imagination.  Either that or wax.  Yeak.  Waxing just drives me nuts.  I hate it.  It is painful.

When looking around my bathroom, anyone can tell that I am into keeping me looking good.  There are tons of shampoos, conditioners, styling products, lotions for different seasons of the year, tweezers, eyelash curlers, teeth whiteners, day and night cream for my face, a manicure set for keeping my nails looking good, a pedicure set to keep my feet as soft as a baby’s butt, and a million bath products.

That brings to mind the fragrances that sit in my bedroom.  Goodness, I didn’t realize that I had so many things to keep me looking good until I started writing about it.

Hey, if I come back in another life, maybe I will come back as a guy.  At least, I would have more money to spend on having fun.  As it is, a lot of my money goes to looking great.  If that is the case, then I wonder why I am not. 🙂

Feeling validated.

I have been in the care of a shrink for a while now.  There  have been so many ups and downs in my life that I felt it was necessary to have someone with a good brain to talk to.  At first, I was excited.  It was like a game to me to sit in his office and toy with his mind.  Of course, I knew that he understood what I was doing.  He is in his last year as a resident so, I thought it would be interesting for him to have someone like me to counsel.   I can be a bit of a hoot and I truly hope that he is enjoying having me as a patient.

However, the tables started to turn.  We started getting into serious aspects of my life in which I am having a hard time coping.  It isn’t fun to sit and talk about things that hurts deep inside.  The rejection, the heartache, the suffering from not having people around who should be there to support you.

I have had the care of my grand-daughter on and off for over a year and a half.  She is now settled with her mom’s family as it should be.  However, that doesn’t keep me from missing her.  I enjoyed getting up each morning with a purpose.  She was a challenge but a worthy one.  Now, I am having to adjust to her not being here.  Not only that but I can’t get her family to return my phone calls.  Since I have manners, I feel that we need to call and not just knock on someone’s door.  The last time that I saw her, that is what I had to do.  I just knocked on the door.

It seems that as we get older and have raised a family, that we should have all the support that we need.  After all, we were the leaders the children that we had.  We took most of our time seeing to it that they learned all the valuable lessons to become the good men that I had hoped for.  Well, I do not have the support that I wish.  One son doesn’t want to talk to me again ever, thank goodness.   The other one has four sons and I am giving him a break.  Why?   Because he is a very busy man.  However, I do feel that he could call once in a blue moon and we all know that isn’t very often.

So, back to talking to the shrink.  As I poured my heart our about my concerns and if I can ever come to terms with my life as it is, he helped me see today how I do many things daily to show myself that I love me.  In a way, I find comfort in just knowing that.  Not only that I know it but that someone else knows it too.  I guess I feel validated.

Kitchen Tip

When making coffee if you run out of filters, use a paper towel. It works great.

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