Helping A Friend In A Time Of Grief

I got home Sunday night about 9:30. Little sister picked me up. We had to hit the grocery store before coming home since I gave away all of the food in the fridge before I left. It was late by the time I settled down. She and I had to catch up on things even though she called me a lot while I was gone.

A good airline to use

When we arrived at the airport, A. J. parked right in front knowing he may have been asked to move but he stood with me until the Sky Cap checked my bags. He tipped him for me and then he parked and came inside to sit with me until I had to go though security. It was a bitter sweet moment. He stood so he could see me until I was out of site. I kept looking back and he was standing there like he was guarding me. He had told me not to cry but the closer I got to where I could not see him, well, the tissue came out. Finally, when I knew I would be out of site, I told him bye and blew him a kiss as he did. Then I was gone.
Some women wish. :)
The next part is always fun. Having to take off my shoes, jacket and put everything in bins to be examined. I get the full treatment since I have an artificial knee. They have to pat me down in front of everyone. Oh, they ask if I want to do it in private but I just figure everyone needed to see this older lady being patted down and wonder if I am a bad woman. ha ha….It helps to get a seat alone if one is available.

Leaving him with so much to do was hard but I needed to come home for a lot of reasons. If not, I might have still been there as hard as it was. I have to have this kidney stone blasted to hell and back.

It is a hard thing to watch a person take apart their parents home of fifty years knowing they will never walk back in the door to see it looking like it once did again.   I don’t think he could have done that first part without someone who cared to be there with him. He cried a lot, would get hurt and angry. It was just heart breaking to watch.   He grew up in that home. It was his home from the time he was just a little boy. In fact, the room where I slept was once his room.  The furniture he had as a child was nice and looked nearly new. That was a surprise.  Most people do not take such good care of their furniture.

The bad part was his dad dying in the middle of us sorting and packing. It slowed things down. He grieved and grieved. So sad. I told him about a pamphlet he needed to get on grieve. He said he didn’t need it. He was just lashing out because of the hurt.  Yesterday, he told me the funeral home sent a package that offered counseling on grieve. He said he was going. I was so glad. Finally, he was beginning to see things like I had hoped.

His brother was in rehab and he couldn’t get him to talk to him. His brother was suppose to be the executor of the estate but now he can’t so A. J. has to do it all. He and his brother finally did talk when he went home from rehab. They sorted out what the brother wanted which wasn’t much.

I made friends with the couple across the street. The gentleman was very fond of me and my southern ways. They had us over once but the Friday night before I left, they took us out because I would be leaving. I had a great time. Two martinis later and I was the life of the party. Dang but I am a cheap date.  It was just wonderful to have people be so fond of me.  Anytime that I was there alone, I knew all I had to do was call them for anything and they would oblige me.  Later, they bought 3 pieces of very nice collectible furniture that my friend had planned to take outside and burn.  He had no  clue they had value.  Anyway, their daughter who lives in New York will be enjoying them soon enough.
I am glad that I went but I can say it was a strain. I have never been away from home that long.  When I walked in the door of my home that night, I looked around and was shocked that everything was so clean. I had cleaned everything before I left.

While I was gone, everything was in a mess.  Sorting thought things of 50 years wasn’t easy.  We would put things in a place of safe keeping only to forget where we put them.  There were important papers from when his parents came to this country in 1949 to escape the Communist.  His parents marriage licenses were found but they were written in Ukrainian.   A. J. speaks Ukrainian so, it wasn’t a problem for him.  He spoke their language before he spoke English.

Ukraine Location on Map

It has taken me three days to unpack.  All I have wanted to do is sleep. Today, I finally feel like I may stay awake all day. Would I do it again? I sure would. It feels good in my heart to know that I made a difference in someone’s life who needed it.


Cleaning Up For Your Children

Rose In Memory of His Father

I just returned from helping a friend who needed to clear his parents home of fifty years of accumulated things.    It was not anything that could be done in two months.  When I first flew up, my plans were to stay for a month but I changed my mind.

People do not realize as they live their lives each day that something may or can happen to them tomorrow.  We all are guilty of keeping too many things that are not needed in our home.  On top of that, may people will not let go of things and rent storage to put them in.

His father was a doctor and had retired.  When he did, he bought home everything even the table he used to examine people.  He bought home drugs,  medical records and anything else that was there.  Even the posters that were on his walls.  I wonder if it ever occurred to him to just throw away most of the things.  We had to contact a group to disposes of medicines the proper way.  Now, my friend will have to jump through hoops just trying to do the proper thing about getting rid of the medical records.  His dad was not doing well mentally but no one understood that until his mother had a stroke.

His mother sewed.  She did brilliant embroidery work and had so many extra supplies  from years and years ago.  I know because she still had thread on wooden spools.  She had boxes and boxes of buttons, old sewing needles, yarn, knitting needles and fabric.  You name it and she had it.  She loved making pretty things but when her hands started to hurt from arthritis, she had to give it up.

What does keeping all of these things matter?  It matters a lot when someone else has to clean it out of a home.  One thing is certain, I came home with a new view on how I will leave my home to my children once I am gone.  It isn’t fair to expect our children to come behind us to clean up our mess.  A mess that we just didn’t take the time to clean up or one that we were not thinking was even there.  Sometimes, I feel that people do not realize that when they  put a receipt for something in a drawer that unless they are diligent in cleaning out their drawers and closets often, that receipt may be there 30 years later.  We found receipts from fifty years ago.

My friend feels overwhelmed.  He felt that way while I was there.  Before his father died, we had some  fun even in the middle of trying to make sense of all that was in the home.  Afterward, the fun stopped as he was grieving.  Not only was he grieving but he was angry.  I understand because that it is one of the  first steps of grief.  He didn’t understand.  When I would try to talk to him about it, he wasn’t interested.  It is hard to watch a person grieve knowing that there is nothing anyone can do.  That is a journey that a person has to make alone in life.  Sure good friends can reach out to them and try to give comfort but in the end, they will have to walk though that time alone.  We all do.  I have made that journey many times in my life.

In the mean time, his mom is still in a nursing home.  They are not treating her well.  Since she is in another state where is brother lives, it is hard for him to get there to see her as much as he would like.  He worries about her.  So, in the middle of grieving for his father, worrying about his mother, not being employed at the time, he still has to clean out this house by himself.  He is angry, confused, dazed and dismayed at what to do with everything.  He doesn’t have time to sell a lot of things since he needs to be looking for a job.  I know what he is going though since I was there.  It is like trying to reach the top of a mountain with branches of trees hitting you in the face with every step.    My heart goes out to my friend.  I would not wish this on anyone.

So, if your home is filled with paperwork that isn’t necessary, get rid of it.  If you have old clothes give them away.  Thin out the number of dishes you have in your kitchen.  When we reach a certain age, we do not entertain like we once did.  Do you really need all of those pots and pans in the kitchen?  When was the last time you cleaned out your closets, drawers or even the pantry?

Do your family a huge favor and save them from having to clean up after you when you are gone.  We never know when that day will come.  I plan to start with my project of cleaning out my home this week.  I would not like to  think of my children here in my home being unhappy when if I had planned like I should have, they would have little to do.  Burying your parents is bad enough.

Could I Survive No Internet for a Whole Month?

Could I live without the internet? That is like asking if I could do without coffee in the mornings. People understand how things go together in life. There is a commercial on television showing how people can do certain things without a cigarette.

There is no way I could drink coffee in the mornings without the internet in front of me. Where would I drink the coffee? In bed? I don’t think so since I live alone. At the kitchen table? No. I don’t have a kitchen table. Sitting on the sofa? No way. If I sit on the sofa, there are only two reasons. I either have guest or I am watching television.

Oh dear. Now, this question has me disturbed. I have friends from all over the world and chat with them in different forums everyday. That is where I get my dose of laughter. Today, while reading what some friends had posted in one of my forums, I had tears rolling down my cheeks. No way can I live without the internet for a month.

Heck, I might not laugh for a month. In one month, all the lines in my face will go away from not laughing and then I will not look like the wise woman that I am.

In one month, I could lose twenty pounds from not eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in front of my computer. Hey, if I didn’t have to clean the jelly off the keyboard, what would I do?

I don’t know who ask this question but I wish that I could track them down. I would give them a piece of my mind. Lord have mercy, I might not sleep tonight.

Oh and hi to all my friends in case something happens for a month and I can’t blog. Just know that I love ya dearly and will be back just as soon as I can.

Now, on to those forums to make sure they are still there.

Oh and the photo is off my mom and dad with my brother. I wonder how my mom would have lived her life if there had been the internet back in her day?

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Facebook Politics..Twit, Twit

Top six on social networks

Lately, I have been receiving requests on Face Book from politicians to be friends.  They sure are assuming a lot.  They don’t know me and what I think about politics or who I might vote for in the election.  I forgot.  They are trying to win my vote.  What was I thinking?

Obama is the reason for this and I am not saying it is a bad thing.  Why did politicians not think about using the computer to campaign before the year 2008?  No matter, they have figured it out now.  Maybe we will keep a free internet if politicians are using it for their own purpose.

Allow me to help y’all out.  Here is the link.

Face Book to me is a place to keep up with friends and family and I do not think I will be making friends with someone just because they want my vote.  Hey, maybe I need to send them a link to this blog when I reject their request.  What do ya think?

Oops….I just read in another blog that Face Book set up accounts for all congressional as well as  gubernatorial candidates.  They left it up to them if they used it.  Wait a minute Face Book.  Self serving?  Yep, that is my thought.   Imagine that!

This is just another great place for political candidates to get the word out.  Now if they would actually try to do what they promise.

Anyone care for a cup of TEA?

Yay, Tea Party……:)

All I Know About Sex I Learned From Sex In The City

This statement could  be true.  I have been watching it since network television picked it up.  It doesn’t matter how late it comes on, I am sitting there watching the reruns over and over.  I know the show by heart.

However, I didn’t get to see a lot of the action until Sex In The City ran a marathon show one day last week.  I was surprised to see some of the clips that the nightly show cuts.  Shame on them.

When they made a movie about Carrie marrying Mr. Big, I was in heaven.  I knew that one day they would end up together.  How could they not?  The chemistry was awesome.  Non of Carrie’s other boyfriends had it going on like Mr. Big.  He was tall, handsome, successful and has a great sense of humor.  He was my all time favorite.

Frankly, I think this show brought out a lot about women that we might have already known but kept under our hats.  Watching the show opened me to talking more about my sex life.  Hey, if those gals can be as open as they are, why can’t a gal from the Heart of Dixie?

Now that the new movie is out, I can’t wait to get to the theater to see it.  I don’t have anyone who will go with me.  I have to wonder why.  Is my sister jealous of those gals?  She seems to hate them.  How could anyone hate four gals who are friends thought the good as well as bad times?

When I try to decide which one I am the most like, I have a hard time.  I am sweet just like Carrie who is always trying to please but not creamy sweet like Charlotte.  I am a bit bossy and forward thinking like Maranda but I am not a redhead.  However, I suppose I do have that redhead attitude.  That leaves Samantha.  Can I admit that there are a few things about me that is like her?  Yep.  I can and will.

I might not be a cougar like her but I certainly do appreciate younger men with nice butts.  Hey, we women look just like men do.  Do not think we don’t.

I keep watching the show because I just love those girls.  Maybe in the mean time, I will learn something about sex that I didn’t already know….like I haven’t. ha ha

Now, I have a question for ya.  Who was a porn star before being cast on that show as one of the awesome four?

Losing A Dear Friend

What a shame that I lost this dear friend without knowing.  It is my fault that we had not stayed in touch.  He called me every evening because he was lonesome.  I had a two year old grand daughter that I was raising and I didn’t have time for those nightly chats.  When I changed my phone number, I failed to tell him.  I kept thinking that I would but time got by me.

Now, I am filled with deep sorrow because I could have taken the time but I didn’t.

Do not do that to the people you love.  You may never get a chance to say goodbye.  I might not have been able to say good-bye no matter as I do not know what happened.

He will not miss me but I sure will miss him.  He and I had been friends since high school.  We have a reunion coming up this month and it will be so sad for me, that he will not be there.

Buck baby, I loved you so much.  You brought a lot of joy into my life with your jokes and kidding.  Thank you for all of the wonderful memories.

The Living Go On Living

When someone we loved dies, what do we do?  There isn’t much we can do.  We can offer comfort to the family or lean a hand any way that we can.  Other than that, all we can do is keep on living.

Death never changes.  Anytime that we lose someone we love, we hurt.  The pain is so bad.  Our hearts hurt.  We cry and cry because our emotions can not conceive the loss.  We have to realize that we will never see or speak to that person again in our entire life.  The main thing to remember when we lose someone to death is what we all should be doing in life.  What we should do each day.  Let the people we love know how much.  Not just by using words.  Words are cheap.  We need to do things to show them.  As the saying goes, we are our actions.  Or maybe that was actions speaks louder than words.

I lost a dear, dear friend last week.  He died in a car wreck.  Looking back, I see how that we always showed each other how much we cared.  He was a young man about my son’s age.  He always came by to visit me after growing up.  He would have a photo of his son or something.  Sometimes, he just needed to talk.  Sometimes, he just wanted to visit.  He was going though a divorce and I just listened.  I could have spoken up to say what I thought.  However, when people are having a hard time in life, it’s hard to listen to what others have to say.  The same thoughts keep spinning inside their brains.  So, the best thing is to just listen.  Let them know that you care enough about them to just be there for them day or night.

Life can be shorter than we plan.  We all plan to grow old and some do.  Others are not so blessed and die young.  My friend was only forty.  He had everything to live for in life.  He had a four-year old son that was the light of his life.  His son will miss the joy of growing up with a wonderful dad.

Just remember that we never know what tomorrow will bring.  Reach out to those you love.  Let them know how much they mean to you.  I am glad that I did.

Meeting New People

In life right when we think that we have given up on mankind, someone refreshing comes along.  They give us hope that all is not lost.  They show us that there are still good folks left that we can surround ourselves with.  Such a thing usually happens when we least expect it to happen.

Earlier, I was feeling so down about a person who wasn’t who they should have been to me as I treat everyone with love and kindness.  I suppose that I think that because I do that everyone should treat me the same way.  Maybe, that is the innocent part in me showing.  Yes, there is still an innocent little girl living inside of me.  I pray that she never goes away.  Even if it means being hurt from time to time.

So, with that said I feel that it is time to move on with my life.  Put the haters in a corner far away from me.  Get on with enjoying the ones who have something wonderful to offer.  Here is to new friends.

How Great Our Online Friends Can Be

Online friends can become a part of our extended family. I have been on one site for at least six years now and some of those people are as close to me, as I am to members of my family. We share our thoughts and feelings on what is going on in our lives. We prop each other up when needed. We cheer when someone has something joyous to share. There are some people we even tell what we truly think about what they have posted. These people are our true friends as they take what we say, because they care about our opinions. The nice part is we send cards to each other though the mail when we have birthdays or during the Christmas holidays. It takes time to get to know people but once we invest the time to truly get to know who they are, we become friends indeed. It is so pleasant to me to go online and chat with a friend who might live half the world away. Someone I wish with all my heart that I could meet but know in my heart that I may never see their face. In some cases, we get really close to some people in just a short time. I have found this can be good and bad. It depends on the intention of the other person. I am always sincere with my intentions. However, not everyone is. There have been a few people who broke my heart because I was lead to believe that they had good intentions of getting to know me. I would treat them like a new friend in my regular life. Then when they just disappeared, it hurt. Not saying goodbye is sad. However, with all these thoughts in mind, I would not take anything for my online friends. Some of them are the best. I look forward to meeting many more people who I would never have known if it were not for computers and the internet.

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