What? A Family Member Doesn’t Like Me?


I have to just sit back and laugh when I think about my sister.  She and I grew up sleeping in the same bed, playing in the creek together and just having fun.  She was always my best friend.

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because I felt so close to her, my eyes and ears were closed to all that she did in life that hurt others including me.  That is until a few years ago.

We have been agreeable to some extent for a while but only because I was the one making the effort.  It was hard for me to realize that she didn’t like me at all.  (A friend suggested one day that she might be jealous. ) No one should be jealous of me because we all have our special talents in life.   .Anyway,  I should have known but in my heart, I am a peace loving woman.  In my life, when things go bad, I am always looking for the bright sun hiding behind the clouds.  I never stop long enough to think how others truly are.  I just accept them because they are who they are.

That is the key thing with me.  It is my nature to just allow people to be who they are.  I can accept who they are or I can chose to not have anything to do with them.  That is easier to do with a friend or acquaintance than with a family member.  Family members are always showing up at family functions.  People do not say, “Well, we can’t invite this person or that because they do not like each other.”  However, that is now the case.  My number one sister has hosted holiday get togethers for years and now, I am not invited.   That is very hurtful to me.

My sister and I have a younger sister who lived half the distance of the state from us.  My sister was always trying to get my youngest sister to move up here to be close to us.  I never asked her to move because she is a grown woman and I knew that she would do what she wanted.  All I wanted for her was to be happy wherever she lived.  Sister number one…as I will refer to her was always begging sister number 2 to move.  When she finally decided to move, she even went down to help her.  I thought that was nice.

Sister number one even demanded that sister number 2 move in with her until she found a place to live.  While sister number two was looking for a home to buy, she never asked her sister to go out with her to look at houses.  She knew that their thoughts on what type of home to buy were way too different,  I didn’t blame her but sister number one took it wrong and had her feelings hurt.  Needless to say, before my youngest sister could get moved out, the other sister was giving her grief.  My youngest sister had to come live with me for a week because the youngest sister’s dog scratched the bedroom door while she was at work.  I could have been repaired but no, the other sister demanded a new door plus a professional carpet cleaning before my youngest sister moved and that had to be in CASH.  So little sister brought her dog and stayed with me for a week.  On moving day, she wouldn’t allow her own sister to be at her house to move.   The movers had to move her things without the youngest sister even being there.

Our sister got mad at me too because I took up for my youngest sister,  When she refused to allow her to be there on moving day, I asked our sister number one who she wanted me to tell about her past life first……her preacher, she friends at church or her good friend down the street,  By the way, she isn’t friends with that lady any longer and has dropped out of church saying that since back surgery, she doesn’t feel like going and that has been nearly two years, but she can do some more shopping.  Just for the record, I don’t have a church home except the many ministers I watch on television.

As I am writing this, I see all the times that she used me to her advantage.  I was like a blind bird just flying along without giving it any thought.  It has been two years ago and she still hasn’t spoken to me but a few times,  She stopped by when I had a new bath installed.  Back in my early days at home, my mother would call that kind of person nosey.

Now, to top all of this off, my baby sister doesn’t speak to me either.  They both are too interested in how I live my life.  My son lives with me and they do not approve.  My son and I do not always get along and sometimes we have words,  At least, I can depend on him to help me out when needed.  I can’t depend on them for anything.  There was a long time that I cried all the time and still do at times but I am not eat up with their rejection as much as I once was.  I just figure that by not being around either of them, they are saving me a lot of grief.  Women who are always trying to control others aren’t my favor people to spend time with in life.

The reason for my youngest sister putting me out of her life is a hoot,  Make sure to check back if you are interested in some good drama and I will tell that story.  It is better than this one.

I think some may be wondering why I am writing  this.  Well, I suppose because my youngest sister reads my blogs and I hope she will see how ridiculous all of this is.

Talking To My Sixteen Year Old Self


Sassy at 16

Honey, you don’t know it now but your life is going to be awesome. Quit worrying about everything and just take life as it comes.

Dream big, big dreams because all the dreams that you dreamed have already come true. See? If you had dreamed bigger and better dreams, you might be a famous writer today. Remember that book you started last year? Yep, that one. If you had faith in your abilities, you would have already been on book signing tours many years ago.

One thing that I am very pleased about is that you had children early in life. What a great thing you did. You grew up with your sons. They loved having a a young mom. You played ball with them, took them places, and just had a great time. Plus, you were a rocking mom but still managed to teach them all the right things to be great adults in life.

Now, they are grown with children of their own and you are still young enough to really get a kick out of life. You will learn to love yourself without conditions. Your self confidence will be awesome. I know you don’t believe this now but it is true. Oh, and you will find happiness living alone. Yep, hard to believe isn’t it? Don’t worry darling. You are so much brighter, prettier, aware and braver than you think.

When your day comes to get out in this world, just grab hold and down let go because honey, it is going to be one heck of a ride.

I love you baby more than you will ever know.

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Staying Up Late To Get My Fix


Carries Apartment Building

Me. I keep myself up at night. There are too many things that I want to do either sitting up or lying down.

Frasier Cast

The main thing that I want to do before going to bed at night is to watch reruns of Frasier and Sex In The City. I have watched all of them a hundred times but I can never get enough of Frasier, his sissy brother, their great dad and his care taker.

I wish that my sister and I could fight like they do. If we could, we might still be speaking. When she said something terrible to me, I just smiled. That completely made her crazy. I learned that from our mom. She always told me that kindness kills. I used to wait for the phone call that my sister was dead but she quit speaking to me. ha ha

The girls in Sex In The City are all of us really. One day, I tried to decide which one I was the most like. I had to realize that I had a little of all of them in me.

Carrie with Mr. Big

Carrie is sweet, accepting, has an addiction to shoes and believes that people are basically good. She like me has given way too much to a relationship that is not healthy. Poor baby. Mr. Big was her biggest heartache and at the same time, her greatest joy. I have been there. I too would love to dress crazy but since I don’t have the courage I just watch her. Carrie dearest, Iam with you. Mr Big turns me on too.

Samantha

Samantha has a soft heart underneath that facade. A determined business woman she works hard and plays hard. She is determined to sleep with every man in New York City. That is where she and I part ways. I am not interested in men from New York City. ha ha What I did enjoy was watching her fall in love with a younger man. Hey, any man as she only used them and never intended to fall for even one. I too adore younger men.

Miranda

Miranda worked hard to become partner in her firm. Even though she is cynical, I love her common sense when it comes to men. Like last night, her live in boyfriend wanted to have a baby. She knew they couldn’t do that as the timing was wrong. She would be stuck with taking care of their child and trying to be smart and fresh the next day at the law firm. Then he talks her into getting a puppy instead. She realized then that he was the kid and why did she need another. Right on sugar. I see him like that too. I too lived with a kid for a husband. I am thrilled that someone else has him now.

Charlotte is the dreamy eyed one thinking with all of her heart that she will land the greatest man in town. She is a bit prudish about sex…amazing to me that they cast her as such considering that she filmed porn. Anyway, she is sweet, loving and determined. Hey, that is me. I am sweet, loving and determined. I am also looking for Mr. Big….uhhh I mean Mr. Right even at my age.

So, as one can see, I have to watch them so I can have someone to identify with in life. I can identify with Frasier and his brother as well as the girls in Sex In The City.

If it takes staying up late at night to get my fix, then I suppose that I will always do it.

Anyone interested in sitting up late, eating popcorn and watching those shows with me? 🙂

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Banks Are Evil Especially Wachovia


Banks today as always are evil and have greed in their veins.  Wachovia Bank is now owned by Wells Fargo as of 2008 when Wells Fargo bought them.  They were going under.  Now, they are the third largest bank in the nation.

I suppose that one way to make money is to charge a person who walks in off the street a fee to cash a check drawn on their bank.  That is what happened to me today.  It was the first time that I had been told that to cash a check drawn on their bank would cost me.

I had a check that my contractor had given me to reimburse me for items I had bought.  Since I was driving by the bank, I thought I would just whip into their drive in and cash it.  The evil teller told me that I needed to come inside since the drive in was for bank customers only.   Oh, forgive me for trespassing on your property was what I felt like saying.  I was ticked off since I had just left the physical therapist office and was in pain.  However, no matter about that.  I would have  been mad anyway.

I went inside and waited in line and when I went to the counter, I gave the woman my driver’s licenses to prove who I am.  No, it wasn’t good enough to see me beaming back at her from my licenses.  I had to have another form of ID.  Walking to the car, I was hot.

Once back inside, I presented her with my other ID’s and asked which one would suit her.  Then I put my thumb print on the check but alas, it was in the wrong frigging place.  I put it up high so the scanner would see it.  Oh yes, my finger prints on file in the banking system.  How lovely.

When she told me that I would be charged 5 dollars to cash a check drawn on their bank, I was just about postal.  I said, “What?”  Yes, they wanted to charge me a fee to cash the check.

Greed was stamped all over the heads of the people working there and especially the main man sitting behind his desk in the office.  I walked over to him and told him what I thought.  He said, “Oh well.  Sorry you aren’t happy.”  Bullshit.  He doesn’t care if I was happy or not.  He wanted his money.  They all want more and more money.

A judge in Texas ordered that the banks there could not charge a fee to cash a check on their banks but the banks are doing it away.  Imagine that.  I hope that all get put in prison and have to live on bread and water.

http://www.consumersunion.org/pub/core_newmoney/001917.html

Most people who walk into a bank to cash a check drawn on it are people without accounts anywhere else.  They are the little people who need that 5 dollars.  Maybe it will pay for lunch one day or be enough to put gas in their cars.

I happen to have a bank and when I asked if they charged a fee to cash a check drawn on their bank, the teller said no.  If she had said yes, I would have taken my money home with me and buried it in a fruit jar in the back yard.  I swear that I would.

Greed is so common today that people are accepting it.  We need to have our voices heard.  Not just about banking fees but all the different forms of greed that is washing though America like a tidal wave.  How else can we get anything done unless we collectively stand up and say, “Enough is enough?”

Why Haven’t I Finished Painting?


I have been working on my bedroom for over two weeks.  The walls are nearly completed.  I peeked in this morning with dread to see just how much needs to be done for it to be completed.  Not much.  The ceiling has been primed and needs paint.  The trim needs to be painted.  I hate painting trim.

I am still sleeping on my new bed in the living room floor.  It would appear that I would want to finish this job and move into my beautiful new bedroom.  I have all new things to dress the room to make it so lovely.

I would but one day this week my lover came for a visit.  The next day I didn’t do anything but wash the dishes.  I was worn out.  Sounds crazy.  I used to make love or if one prefers, have sex and get up and be full of energy.  Not anymore.  Afterward now, I am worn out.  I have to wonder if it is the quality of the love making or just me getting older.

Dang, I hate to think it is because I am getting older.  Might be.  I think I will talk to my doctor about it next time.  I can see the look on his face when I tell him.  He is so young that is probably thinks ladies my age do not have sex.  🙂

OK….I know that y’all are wondering why I don’t get my lover to paint the room.  He said he would but that he had never painted.  Hey, I don’t know about y’all but that is a huge red flag in my book.  I had rather do it myself.

He does know how to mow grass so the next time he comes over, I think I will suggest that he mow mine before we have fun.  That should be a good test to see what his real intentions are.  Don’t ya think?

The Living Go On Living


When someone we loved dies, what do we do?  There isn’t much we can do.  We can offer comfort to the family or lean a hand any way that we can.  Other than that, all we can do is keep on living.

Death never changes.  Anytime that we lose someone we love, we hurt.  The pain is so bad.  Our hearts hurt.  We cry and cry because our emotions can not conceive the loss.  We have to realize that we will never see or speak to that person again in our entire life.  The main thing to remember when we lose someone to death is what we all should be doing in life.  What we should do each day.  Let the people we love know how much.  Not just by using words.  Words are cheap.  We need to do things to show them.  As the saying goes, we are our actions.  Or maybe that was actions speaks louder than words.

I lost a dear, dear friend last week.  He died in a car wreck.  Looking back, I see how that we always showed each other how much we cared.  He was a young man about my son’s age.  He always came by to visit me after growing up.  He would have a photo of his son or something.  Sometimes, he just needed to talk.  Sometimes, he just wanted to visit.  He was going though a divorce and I just listened.  I could have spoken up to say what I thought.  However, when people are having a hard time in life, it’s hard to listen to what others have to say.  The same thoughts keep spinning inside their brains.  So, the best thing is to just listen.  Let them know that you care enough about them to just be there for them day or night.

Life can be shorter than we plan.  We all plan to grow old and some do.  Others are not so blessed and die young.  My friend was only forty.  He had everything to live for in life.  He had a four-year old son that was the light of his life.  His son will miss the joy of growing up with a wonderful dad.

Just remember that we never know what tomorrow will bring.  Reach out to those you love.  Let them know how much they mean to you.  I am glad that I did.

Feeling validated.


I have been in the care of a shrink for a while now.  There  have been so many ups and downs in my life that I felt it was necessary to have someone with a good brain to talk to.  At first, I was excited.  It was like a game to me to sit in his office and toy with his mind.  Of course, I knew that he understood what I was doing.  He is in his last year as a resident so, I thought it would be interesting for him to have someone like me to counsel.   I can be a bit of a hoot and I truly hope that he is enjoying having me as a patient.

However, the tables started to turn.  We started getting into serious aspects of my life in which I am having a hard time coping.  It isn’t fun to sit and talk about things that hurts deep inside.  The rejection, the heartache, the suffering from not having people around who should be there to support you.

I have had the care of my grand-daughter on and off for over a year and a half.  She is now settled with her mom’s family as it should be.  However, that doesn’t keep me from missing her.  I enjoyed getting up each morning with a purpose.  She was a challenge but a worthy one.  Now, I am having to adjust to her not being here.  Not only that but I can’t get her family to return my phone calls.  Since I have manners, I feel that we need to call and not just knock on someone’s door.  The last time that I saw her, that is what I had to do.  I just knocked on the door.

It seems that as we get older and have raised a family, that we should have all the support that we need.  After all, we were the leaders the children that we had.  We took most of our time seeing to it that they learned all the valuable lessons to become the good men that I had hoped for.  Well, I do not have the support that I wish.  One son doesn’t want to talk to me again ever, thank goodness.   The other one has four sons and I am giving him a break.  Why?   Because he is a very busy man.  However, I do feel that he could call once in a blue moon and we all know that isn’t very often.

So, back to talking to the shrink.  As I poured my heart our about my concerns and if I can ever come to terms with my life as it is, he helped me see today how I do many things daily to show myself that I love me.  In a way, I find comfort in just knowing that.  Not only that I know it but that someone else knows it too.  I guess I feel validated.

How Great Our Online Friends Can Be


Online friends can become a part of our extended family. I have been on one site for at least six years now and some of those people are as close to me, as I am to members of my family. We share our thoughts and feelings on what is going on in our lives. We prop each other up when needed. We cheer when someone has something joyous to share. There are some people we even tell what we truly think about what they have posted. These people are our true friends as they take what we say, because they care about our opinions. The nice part is we send cards to each other though the mail when we have birthdays or during the Christmas holidays. It takes time to get to know people but once we invest the time to truly get to know who they are, we become friends indeed. It is so pleasant to me to go online and chat with a friend who might live half the world away. Someone I wish with all my heart that I could meet but know in my heart that I may never see their face. In some cases, we get really close to some people in just a short time. I have found this can be good and bad. It depends on the intention of the other person. I am always sincere with my intentions. However, not everyone is. There have been a few people who broke my heart because I was lead to believe that they had good intentions of getting to know me. I would treat them like a new friend in my regular life. Then when they just disappeared, it hurt. Not saying goodbye is sad. However, with all these thoughts in mind, I would not take anything for my online friends. Some of them are the best. I look forward to meeting many more people who I would never have known if it were not for computers and the internet.

Racking Up Points For The Afterlife


If life were a board game with the purpose of racking up points for your afterlife, what do you think should be on the board game?

I just read a blog that started me thinking about this. Many people believe in Karma which with my limited knowledge is doing good things, so that good will come your way. If you do bad things, then you can expect bad things to happen to you as well.

Christians think according to the Bible, that for every good deed done, it will be repaid ten times over. So, with those thoughts in mind, and thinking that all of this comes into play to gain you a good place in your afterlife, what do you consider some the more important things to do in life? This is a question that you can take with you each day. Just think about it. Don’t be in a hurry but as you go about your day, stop and think about what should be given more importance.

In my mind, I think that random acts of kindness should be on that board game. Also, helping others who have less in life would have a spot. There are many people who have a hard time even meeting the basic needs in their lives. Most of these people can not help their situation. If only we as neighbors, friends or even as a stranger to these people, would reach out to help in any way possible, it would make a huge difference in their lives.

However, there is something else that needs to be considered. If the person is capable of working, should we offer a job no matter how meager? Should we offer to teach them something that would be useful to help them? There is an old saying that I have heard for years. “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime”

Many of us have a lot of knowledge about a lot of things in life. Sharing that knowledge with someone just may help them down the road. We never know the affect of what we do or say to someone will have on people but you can bet that it does.

This gets back to doing acts of kindness. Many people do not see teaching as an act of kindness but in my mind it is.

List what you think should have a spot of your game board. I would be very interested.

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